happy birthday, Jesus!

well, three days of working down and seven to go. i am just trying to face each day as it comes and then maybe i won't be overwhelmed by how much i am working.

despite all the working, we managed to have a great Christmas eve. we had some old friends over and went to the midnight candlelight service to celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus.

On Thursday my friend Monica came to visit and we took the dogs to the park in their new sweaters.

Jude and Norah in their Christmas fleeces



NERTZ!


i can't believe it actually snowed on Christmas day! It would have been a lot nicer if i hadn't had to work. standing outside in the snow all afternoon was not very fun, and i'll have to do it again tomorrow. i just have to keep thinking about my nice Christmas paycheck!!

christmas!

well, my Christmas vacation is now over. i had two wonderful days off and was able to spend some great time with my family (more or less).

yesterday, we had a non-traditional Christmas, and i loved it! First we went to the Flying Biscuit and ate a delicious breakfast. i am now hooked, thanks Kristina!
Then, we went to the High museum to see the Dali exhibit (his later work). i realized that i loved him when i was reading about one of his pieces and it said that he went to paint a copy of The Lacemaker and he realized that he had only painted four rhinoceros horns.

i am also fascinated by artists who are so closely tied to popular culture. It is so interesting to me the way that art and life are so closely tied and to see the way that modern life influences people as brilliant as Salvador Dali. i definitely recommend checking out the show if you get a chance.

but anyways, now is the moment you have all been waiting for:
christmas presents!!

first, i got this cute cute purse

(can anyone tell me how to flip this? i have no idea.)

i immediately transferred all of my things into it and have been carrying it around with me everywhere. i love it!

i also received this delightful assortment of items:


notice psych season four for hours of hilarious entertainment, and a chick-fil-a calender for lots of delicious eating (or drinking - four of the coupons are for drinks! that is 4/12 or 1/3 of the coupons- crazy!) i am pumped about these gifts.

but you may be asking yourself, with what are you taking these pictures, alyssa, since you have no camera?

well, i am so glad that you asked because i was just getting to my biggest christmas surprise:


so, no more pictureless (or worse webcam) blog posts!! i am more excited for all of you than for myself. goodness knows your poor eyes were probably so pained by the current state of things.

yay!

(more christmas pictures to come!)

ups and downs

this past weekend i had a lot of ups and downs. the good thing is that the ups outweighed the downs. but it was still an emotional weekend.

it started friday morning when we lost a dog at work (who was one of my favorites) the dog had medical complications and there was nothing we could have done, but it was heartbreaking that is for sure, add that to the fact that it had only been a week since i had lost my own dog and lets just say, i was a bit of a wreck.

friday evening though, i was invited to a Christmas dessert party (on a completely unrelated note, does anyone else have a fear of mixing up desert and dessert?) with by my friends the Randalls. i always enjoy their parties even though i seem to know less people every time i go. i had a great time and ate WAY too many desserts even though i was exhausted.

on my way home my low tire pressure light came on-this will come into play later in the story of my weekend.

On saturday morning i had to go back to work and apparently i was exhausted because i slept right through my alarm. i woke at the time that i am usually arriving. as i was rushing to get ready, i remembered that all my work clothes were in the dryer. as i reached in to grab them i realized that they were still damp. at this point i had no choice but to go to work with damp clothes. the day just keeps getting better. i got into my car and i had completely forgotten about the low tire pressure, but i figured that i should be able to drive to work then get some air in it after, but when i started to drive it started to thump like my tire was flat. i got out to look at it, but couldn't see anything because it was dark, so i drove to work anyways (probably not smart). overall, it was a good day at work, on saturdays i work with my favorite people and even though i was late and damp, it was a pretty good day, until i left and realized just how flat my tire was. yikes. cue fumbling around with the spare until i got some help.

that afternoon i knew i had to go get a new tire and there is a really long frustrating story here about actually trying to get one, but we will fast forward to the part where the guy told me that it was going to cost me $130. for one tire. sigh. there goes my bank account again.

ok, now lets skip ahead to the good part of the day because this is just depressing.
my good friend and roommate from college, Jamie drove up from Ft. Valley. we decorated some cookies, ate some ham and then she gave me one of the best christmas presents ever by taking me to see Cirque du Soleil: Ovo! The show was truly spectacular. i have been dreaming about going to cirque since i was young and i was totally blessed to go with Jamie. i can't count how many times my jaw dropped open in amazement. it was wonderful. i highly recommend.

Sunday morning, we slept in because i was exhausted from the weekend. then jamie and i got up and met our other friend and also former college roommate Sarah and her husband Adam who were in town from Athens. we enjoyed a great church service then went for a delicious lunch at a local diner. Jamie had to get back, but Sarah and Adam treated me by taking me to go see the next Narnia movie "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" it was wonderful to see one of my favorite books brought to life. Even if they did change major elements of the plot. Overall, i enjoyed it.

so, that was my crazy weekend. i worked yesterday and then had my cell group christmas party (which included a very competitive game of pictionary) and i have today and tomorrow off to spend time with my family. we are celebrating christmas tomorrow, so get ready for an early christmas recap and a list of all my loot!

love you guys!

goodbye old friend.

when i was young we had a beagle. she was a typical beagle and we loved her. so, my mom decided that we would get another one. when i was 10 years old, she came home one day with a brand new "beagle" puppy. she was cute and cuddly and we named her copper after the hound dog in Disney's the fox and the hound. the strange thing was that once she started growing, she didn't stop. she grew to typical beagle size and beyond until she became a medium size dog. in fact, she began to look more like a shepherd than a beagle. but that was ok, because we loved her even with sketchy breeding.

she did have one trait that did indicate that she had a fair amount of beagle in her: she was obsessed with food. she spent just about her whole life on the hunt for food. especially if it was intended for cats.


from left to right: our lab mix Jude, my brother's dog Norah, and Copper, waiting at the back door to be let in

even though she was 17 years old, copper was still getting around and getting into the trash can and trying her best to get at the cat food- even if she fell down while doing it. She ate heartily until last week when she stopped eating and drinking and was no longer able to get around anymore. it broke our hearts to have to say goodbye to someone who had been a part of our family for so many years.

Copper never really cared for other dogs, or for playing, or for most things that typical dogs like. But she did love being with her family, laying in the dirt under our front porch on hot days, sleeping outside on cool nights, being snug in her crate, belly rubs, cat food, scraps from the trash, licking dirty plates in the dishwasher, and sitting at the back door making us feel bad for her.

our house won't be the same without her.

catching up

so, i had fully intended to use my break from school to catch up on blogging.

as you can tell, that has not happened.

but, i am trying!

the thing is, i hate writing those blogs that are like: here is a list of everything that i have done in the past three months. then there is no depth, no insight, just lists. not that i have anything against lists (i am actually quite fond of them), but i am usually looking for something more to put in here.

anyways, since we last talked, i finished up the semester at school. While my finals were not as rough as they could have been, it was still a relief to be finished with them. now i feel self-conscious when i am laying around, watching tv, reading the Chronicles of Narnia (LOVE), and writing blogs, because i feel like there is something else i should be doing.

not that there isn't something else i should be doing, like working on scholarship applications. i hope to have those all ready by the end of break, with the exception of those that require FAFSA (i don't really know what this stands for, it is like federal application for student aid or something) because i have to get all my tax information before i can fill that out.

anyways, i think my finals went pretty well, but i won't get my grades until the school receives my final payment for the semester which i just sent. which also means that i am BROKE. like really broke, as in, i have nine dollars in both bank accounts and i am about to have to use it for gas so that i can go to work kind of broke. but that is ok because i am in good with the Provider.

this weekend i actually took a couple days off of work at took a mini vacation. i went up to Charlotte, NC to visit my beloved friend Kristina and her beautiful daughter Adoration Joy.



amazingly, she suits her name perfectly. i just LOVED getting to spend some quality time with Kristina and cuddling with her sweet baby who i know is going to be growing so much between the times that i get to see her. it is a shame that the people that i love can't all live nearer to each other.

speaking of people living far away, another beloved friend of mine had a birthday this weekend. i love for people to feel special on their birthdays, so i always feel sad when i can't go spend time with them. But erika, i am so glad that you had a great gift of snow on your birthday, know that you are loved and my heart was with you on sunday, even if my body was not.

i am pretty excited about the rest of this winter break because even though i will be working a good bit, i also have lots of fun things planned with my family and with friends that i do not get to see much. i will try to keep you updated as they come. But i will let you in on one thing that i am SUPER excited about:

OVO!!!!

quick update

i really am still alive.

and since i have been scolded for not keeping up here, i will just write quick note that can keep you occupied and pondering til i can get through finals.

believe it or not some big things have been happening since i last wrote, and weird as it may sound and frustrating as it may be, i have been trying to simplify my speech by not justifying myself. to be honest, i don't really know what that does, but i got the idea from richard foster and he's a pretty bright guy, and i did notice how much i try to justify my actions. in fact, i believe i am doing it here...

anyways, it is late, and it has been a long week, so i will be brief (as brief as i can anyways)

firstly and most significantly, i missed a shift at my framer job and was subsequently fired. That will teach me for working for a corporation and not for people.

secondly, i switched my program of study from Marriage and Family Therapy to Professional counseling with a specialization in trauma. i am pretty excited about this.

my family was together for a few hours this thanksgiving, so that was nice while it lasted, but i worked everyday, so it was a little anti-climactic.

i have four papers due before the end of the semester and a few finals, but all that will be done within the next two weeks and then it is back to working everyday.

I still have 1/3 of the amount for this semester left to pay for, so lots of prayers for provision would be appreciated or else i will have to skip spring semester again.

Finally, my good friend Jeffrey has been on my mind lately. Please pray that cancer would have no place in his body.

i really miss all of you, especially during the holidays, i am kind of plugging my ears to the Christmas music right now because, frankly, the thought of it being december makes me feel a little panicky.

can't we have an undo button?

there is an image from the Harry Potter book series that has always stuck with me. i assume that you all have a basic knowledge of the series. Harry is a wizard whose parents were murdered by the evil Lord Valdemort. At one point Harry is facing his enemy and something causes Valdemort's wand to do a reversal of his previous spells and Harry finds himself facing the image of his parents.

it broke my heart that there was no way for the spell to be completely reversed. it seemed like in this wizarding world where so many of the natural laws are suspended, that they could somehow find a way to get around the most critical law there is: death.

i found myself thinking about this today as i have been reflecting on the recent violent passing of a family friend.

can't God give us an undo?

as the One who actually CREATED natural law, the One who is SUPERnatural, can't He undo it?

of course He can.

but He doesn't.

and it hurts.

all this because we wanted it our own way. we wanted to make our own decisions and have control of our own lives. even our own deaths.

it is a good thing that this life is only the beginning.


"i would have despaired unless i had believed that i would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Psalm 27:13

abiding in grace

i was driving home from work lat night feeling totally exhausted and worn down by work and school, and feeling frustrated that there is nothing that i can do about it except keep working.

when suddenly i had this sense of just being completely overwhelmed by grace. if i take a moment and realize just how much grace the Lord has poured out on me, it is really just outstanding. i would not be here at all without it.

so, i just want to take a moment and publicly declare just how grateful i am for the all-encompassing, empowering, and sustaining nature of grace.

i read this today and it filled me with peace in my own situation, but also with several people i know who are struggling.
There is nothing that is out of the reach of God. And nothing can take me out of His hands. He is so good.

"Be Still, My Soul"
by Catharina von Schlegel, 1697-?
Translated by Jane Borthwick, 1813-1897
1. Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
2. Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
3. Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

expendability and youth

so, here is the thing about blogging. As someone for whom every hour of the day is a precious commodity, some things have to be cut out to make way for other things, like working, studying, and spending time with the Lord.
Among blogging there are a few other things that have been neglected as of late, they include:
-cleaning my room
-laundry
-playing my guitar
-checking and responding to email
-exercising regularly
-watching tv and movies
-extra-curricular reading
-personal hygiene (just kidding)

also, if you are worried that it is just my blog being neglected, don't worry, because i probably haven't looked at yours either, so it is even.

In other news, the guy who leads worship at my church is recording a CD which is cool, but what is even cooler is that he needed a bunch of voices in the background and one of those voices belongs to yours truly. i went this evening to be a part of that, and now my throat definitely hurts because of all the yelling. i will let you know when that is available for purchase because i am pretty sure i will be getting lots of royalties for that. so anyways, i don't know if y'all know this, but i love to tell stories of when people are surprised by how old that i am. so, i was talking to this really cute energetic girl next to me who has my name. She and her husband just planted a church in Rome and they commute down to Kennesaw for school. She totally asked me if i was in high school or college. i laughed and told her i was in graduate school, then she and her husband tried to guess how old i was. the closest they got was 26 (after quite a few guesses). they were only 21 and they thought i was younger than them!

when i got home i was thinking about why i like for people to think that i look young, and i think that it is because i want to be that old again. something about being close to thirty really freaks me out. i think that if i was 24 and had accomplished all that i have, i would feel better about myself, but i guess i just feel like i should have more under my belt than i really do. so, what i decided is that i am going to pretend like i am 24, then i can feel like i can finish graduate school well before i turn thirty and i will have lots of time to start a family and do all the things that God wants me to do, and i won't have any anxiety about it. that will fix things right?

Unfortunately i was immediately brought back to reality by the 17 emails about my ten year high school reunion. blaaaaaaaaah.
that is a whole blog post in itself.
but it will probably be three months til i write it.

this is life

hello there, my friends. i know it has been a while, but well, my life has been a bit crazy. as you may know, i have started school, but have only decreased my work hours by about 6. so, basically, i have either work or school everyday of the week.
i have had a few days off lately, but i have been using them to do things like:
-help my baby sister move into her dorm
-go to six flags with some friends
-attend the first ever Georgia State University football game (go panthers!)
-drive down to Fort Valley, Georgia to visit some good friends and enjoy some time in the country
-watch some good and bad football games (Go Dawgs!)
-join a new community group
-go to White Water with my mom and brother

outside of all these things, i am now a certified custom framer at Michaels, i am knee deep in various projects for school (one of which is a giant group research project of which i have somehow found myself to be the leader of?)

and in the midst of all of this, i have somehow been able to have some really sweet time with the Lord, and i recognize that it is really his grace that is holding me up, i am not sure how i would be able to function otherwise. He is showing me more and more how to lean on Him in the day to day moments and not just in the big things (like provision for school...huge!)

well, i am off to bed, i am sorry we don't hang out like we used to, and i must say that it may be like this for a while. i am just warning you in case you start to miss me or wonder where i went. i am probably one of three places: work, school, or somewhere studying. it will all be worth it.

a letter to my friend

Dear internet,
while you may be used to seeing me here, here, and even here, i just wanted you to know that i will not be able to visit you there as often as usual.

if you are looking for me, you can find me here, here, and even here.

catch you around the world wide web!

your friend,
the work-a-holic

sisters

today, we cleaned out my sister's room.

it was ugly.

just a warning for all you OCD people out there, you might want to stop reading.

(well, actually, if you have a collecting sort of OCD, you might find it a little gratifying, but if you have a germ-a-phobia, cleanliness kind of OCD, then you should look away. you could get uncomfortable.)

First of all, let me say that we filled up four big trash bags...of trash. Just paper and stuff.

We filled up two big trash bags full of VHS tapes. i could not tell you when she last had a VCR. But just in case, we also found a tape rewinder.

We found eight watches (not counting the one she wears on her wrist) i think only one worked.

We found four portable CD players, one walk-man, and two larger CD players.

i filled up three CD wallets with CDs.

we found no less than 20 unopened tubes of chapstick (various flavors)

we found five big never used (probably never opened) art sets

we found eleven small packages of tissue

we filled an entire drawer with pens, pencils, crayons, and markers

i found a plate (which she claimed was for her dinner this evening- she likes to get out her plates in advance)

we found countless wires and plugs

eight full packs of UNO cards (some were themed) along with lots of individual UNO cards scattered throughout the room

five washcloths

four towels

one tennis racket and three tennis balls

and i wish that i had counted the amount of batteries that we threw away because it was astronomical. Not to mention the batteries that were still in packs.

but far and away, the most that she had of anything was DVDs. they were stacked in piles all over her bed and the floor and in boxes everywhere. But the kicker is that we were not allowed to touch the DVDs, or she would yell at us. Even if i tried to move them, i would see her eyes boring into me. i would get a warning first, then i would bear the wrath. she hates me, she is never going to talk to me again, etc. eventually, she got tired of us asking her if something was trash or not, which was fine because i pretty much tried to get rid of most things without her noticing.

it didn't always work.

her room looks a lot better now, although there is still a long way to go. and the living room is FULL of her stuff everywhere. unfortunately, i am working tomorrow and i will not be able to help them cart all of that stuff downstairs. i guess that is ok though, because i helped carry my other sister's stuff up six flights of stairs to move her into her dorm on Thursday. you could say moving sister's things would be a theme for this week. i am glad it is almost over.

two more days until school!!!

anyone need a mini fridge?

with local schools starting up, both of my jobs have been cutting back on hours. While this is bad for my bank account, it is good for my social life and sanity.

Last week i was sitting at home when i got a text message from a friend offering me free Braves tickets, so i got to watch my favorite baseball team and spend time with my favorite (and only) brother. AND the Braves beat the Mets (always a plus).

Last Wednesday my family rented a boat and spent the day on the lake and THEN that night i went to the Tom Petty concert with my favorite Randalls. Crosby, Stills, and Nash opened the concert. It was so much fun to watch such talented musicians playing music that i love. it was a fun day.

then it was back to work. i thought i was going to have a light week this week, but i keep getting random shifts added, so it might be a decent week after all.

in other news, my baby sister is moving into her dorm this week, and i officially have one week left until the first day of class. i am super excited except for the fact that i have to make the first payment which is going to WIPE out my bank account, my computer STILL doesn't meet the specifications for my class and i don't have a digital recorder.

i might start selling stuff.

goodbye.

i was going to dedicate this song to chipper. but that seemed like an inglorious use for such a wonderful song. so, enjoy it anyways. it always stirs up memories.

there's a first time for everything

i had another busy work week this week, but i managed to find some time to do some new and exciting things. well, i guess exciting is all relative, but they are certainly exciting to me.

Firstly, i taught myself how to sew. i have been attempting to repair my mom's old sewing machine, but to no avail, so, i decided to take matters (and fabric) into my own hands and do it for myself. Now, this is not to say that anything that i have created so far has any aesthetic quality to it, but the function is there, so i think i am ok with that, this being my first week and all.

also, my RAM (random access memory just in case you were wondering) came in the mail this week, and so i took out my computer battery, unscrewed a panel, pulled out the old RAM and installed the new ones. (with supervision and help of course). but i was pretty darn proud of myself. i also updated my operating system and partitioned my hard drive so that i could install another operating system, BUT i did not leave enough space on one side of the partition, so i will have to fix that somehow. Maybe i should leave the computer stuff to the experts? Hopefully i will get all of this resolved before school starts in a few weeks.

the highlight of my week hands down though, was going to meet my friend Kristina's baby for the first time. Kristina and her husband were in Atlanta for his work, so i went and spent an entire afternoon and evening with Kristina and Adoration. way fun.

here are a few more highs and lows of this week:

high: all my working paid off with some nice paychecks on friday

low: i was rear-ended again. i think that makes it like 5 times that someone has run into the back of me. what is up with that?

high: i went to see Inception. it definitely lives up to all the hype. go see it. i won't spoil anything except to say that there is one part where Leo's character runs into a shop and the man starts yelling at him in Swahili. That made me so happy.

low: my dog ate one of my favorite pairs of shoes. Well technically, he only destroyed one, but what use is the other now?

high: my brother came to visit (albeit briefly)

low: i only went running once this week.

and to end on a high note: i am off today (yay for being off on Sundays), church was awesome, there was a Psych marathon on TV yesterday that i recorded, and it is August. i am really excited about it being august. it is going to be a good month.

is there a purpose in everything?

i got home this evening from work, kicked off my shoes, and then my dog peed in them.

shameless endorsments

i have been working so much lately that i have time for little else, but i have discovered a few things around the web (and in the real world) that deserve a shout-out.

1. i found out that my friend sara is in Asia. Random, huh? pray for her!

2. i am big into financial responsibility and such. My brother showed me this awesome website that helps you budget and pay off your debt. (just don't pay attention to the credit card ads). And its free, and we all know how much i love free stuff.

3. i have been podcasting sermons from Bethel church in california for a couple years now, but i just discovered that you can watch the worship online also. Maybe this is old news, but i was pretty excited when i found out. i have been turning it on while doing other things like cleaning, writing blogs, etc. good stuff.

4. i am a sucker for good customer service. Seriously. i will travel great distances and pay more money if i know that you are going to work for my best interest. Yesterday i took my 3+ year old macbook (read: outdated) to the apple store sans appointment with the idea that they could help me put all the things i need onto my computer without having to buy a new one. this super nice guy spent like 20 minutes with me coaching me through all the things i need to do. turns out i just need a software update and some new RAM and he sent me a link to a website where i can get it cheap. So instead of a $1,000+ new computer i am only spending $80 to make mine good as new. and i feel more computer savvy. i mean if you had told me two days ago that i would be ordering RAM online and that i actually would know what it is, i would not have believed you. So, all that being said, if you need apple help, go to the apple store in perimeter (and ask for kyle, you won't be sorry)

5. Covenant Care is a great organization that supports women in unexpected pregnancies. They help them make important decisions about the life of their child and match them with adoptive parents if that is what they choose. Covenant Care is having a fund-raising drive right now. They are finding a greater need now amongst decreased giving. I encourage you to prayerfully consider donating to this great cause.

6. My baby sister is in Guatemala this week. please pray for her and check out what they are doing HERE.

i think that is all the advertising that i have for right now. Sorry my posts are few and far between, there is not much going on unless you want to hear about dog poop and custom framing.

this is karen

so, the other day, my mom and i were headed to racetrac to get our free icee refills, of course, and she asks me if i want a snickers ice cream bar. the answer to that is yes. as she is digging change out of her car she mentions that she thinks they cost 1.79. i turn to look at her.

"and why do you know that?" i ask

"shut up" is the reply.

so the next day, my mom calls me on her way home from work and she says:

"i'm going to hell."

wait, what?

so this is the story i get:

"you know i have a thing for snickers ice cream bars. well today i was really looking forward to rewarding myself with one and as i bit into it a song came on the radio that was all about how Jesus is our reward and what we look forward to, and i was relating it to my snickers ice cream bar...

i'm going to hell."


remind me to turn down her future offers of ice cream

work and play

ok, so i haven't been blogging, but you will have to excuse me because i have graduate school to pay for people and i have been super busy.

one of my jobs stealthily increased my hours and before i knew it, i was working a ridiculous amount each week. This week for example, i am pushing fifty hours. ouch. and they wanted me to take some more! tomorrow will be day nine worked in a row before i finally have a day off and start over again. hopefully i will make it through tomorrow though because i will be working fourteen hours! i have never done that before. yikes.

but thankfully, it has not been all work and no play. i credit the Lord with having the fourth off and i got to spend time with a bunch of my newlywed friends, swimming, eating, and watching half of the fireworks in Atlanta. (literally half because we positioned ourselves right behind a building.)

also, partly for my own sanity and partly as an aid for my spiritual life, i have been drawing and studying Hebrew in my free time. in addition to reading my Calvin and Hobbes and Get Fuzzy comic books.

that is, when i am not napping or going to bed while it is still light outside.

i can only motivate myself with the fact that this is only temporary.

it is only temporary, right?

(repeat: "i'm going to school, i'm going to school, i'm going to school...")

grateful.

you can't see it, but i am doing a happy dance right now.


why, you may ask?

well let me tell you.


i got a scholarship for school. and i am taking four classes this fall.

my heart is about to burst.


i don't have all the money for the classes, but i know who does!

"For as many are the promises of God, in Him they are yes; therefore also through Him is our Amen to the glory of God through us." 2 Corinthians 1:20

the long term.

my laundry basket can give you a good indication of what my life looks like right now. because in my laundry basket the only clothes you will find will be either clothes for working or clothes for working out.

that's it.

because that is all i do lately and in the past few days i haven't even had time to work-out.

this recent streak of exhaustion started when i decided that it would be a good idea to go to my friend april's going away party on thursday. after i worked that morning. so i got off work at one and drove to athens. i spent the afternoon with the most handy DIY person i know getting some advice on a project then headed over to the party. Overall, i am glad that i went because i got to see a lot of people that i love, but when 9:30 rolled around and i was struggling to keep my eyes open and still had to drive back, i was having some serious second thoughts.

i made it back safe and sound then got up bright and early friday morning to work, then worked friday evening, rinse and repeat on saturday, worked one 7 hour shift sunday, add another double today, and one more tomorrow and you get six days in a row. rewind to last monday and you get nine out of ten days worked. at least i am getting wednesdays off. not that i do much besides lay around in a semi-coma for most of the day.

but really, when i think about it, what did i do when i didn't have a job? watched too much tv, spent too much money, hung around with the wrong crowd. really, it is good to have me off the streets. really.

yesterday, after i overslept, i decided that i would watch a sermon online from my favorite teacher, Bill Johnson, and he said something that really resonated with me: "If you don't have your mind on the ultimate, you'll be driven by the immediate"

this is kind of something that the Lord has been teaching me in the past year or so. Long term versus short term. i have a hard time thinking abstractly sometimes, so i am not much of a forward thinker, i am pretty much a "what will make me happy right now" sort of person. but the best things in the world are things that are invested in, things that are worked towards, things we have to fight for.

and that is what i am doing now, in more ways than one.

turning down the sweet that will taste good, not spending money on things that i want, working extra shifts, slugging my way through the spiritual wilderness in the hopes that this will all pay off in the long term. (and i have a feeling it will)

oops! going to be late for work!

writing on the sabbath, but not ON the sabbath

i had never really thought anything about the sabbath until my sophomore year of college. the guy who sent out the weekly email for the Wesley Foundation mentioned in one of his emails that he tried to get his school work done on Friday and Saturday so that he could honor the Sabbath. that was a really interesting thought to me and i decided to try it, because i was really into doing everything back then. unfortunately, i was also really into procrastination and could never really get the hang of doing things in advance.

my roommate used to always tell me "if your ox falls in a ditch on the sabbath, you can dig him out" meaning, the sabbath makes exceptions for emergencies (aka tests and projects) i took this to heart.

it wasn't until that summer that i felt any sort of conviction about keeping the sabbath, of course, at the time i was going to school in Athens monday through friday and then driving to kennesaw to work saturday and sunday. no rest. the Lord told me then, as clearly as i have ever heard Him, to stop. so i did. i stopped working on sundays and trusted him for the income. and He provided.

oops, speaking of work, i just got called in...to be continued...

how ironic to get called into work while writing about resting...anyways...

ever since that summer i have made an effort to take sundays off and to honor the sabbath as we were commanded. i mean, have you looked at the ten commandments lately? every one of them is like one line "You shall have no other gods before Me" You shall not murder" etc but the commandment for the sabbath is a whole paragraph. Then God brings it up over and over again through the rest of the books of the law.

check it out:

"Therefore you are to observe the sabbath, for it is holy to you. Everyone who profanes it shall surely be put to death" Exodus 31:14

it sounds like God is pretty serious about this sabbath thing.

and you know, i am not sure that i really understand why.

i mean, i get the whole rest thing, especially giving your lands and animals a rest, it makes since, but what makes a day of rest holy? and why it a sign between us and God? and why is breaking the sabbath deserving of death?

The closest i have come to understanding this was when i was living in Tanzania and i worked with people who NEVER rested. seriously, they worked seven days a week and never took any time off. They are some of the hardest workers i have ever met and they walked the fine line of legalism (or just jumped right over it).

i was really burdened with the importance of rest in ministry, because really there is so much risk in leading people to God if you are not taking the time to go there yourself. and you know, a lot of people who stop taking that time of rest and restoration do find death. Just like your field will stop yielding and your animals will stop performing if they never get rest.

one morning while i was in Tanzania i woke up with a phrase running through my head:

"there remains for us a rest"

This comes from Hebrews chapter four when Paul tells us to be "diligent to enter that rest"

yikes. this really is serious.

so anyways, the reason that this has been on my mind again lately is because i have been working a lot and i have been working on sundays which i don't like to do. but really if you think about it, originally the sabbath was on a saturday, so does it matter what day it is? should it be a literal day of rest or is it the heart of the law that really matters?

honestly, i don't know.

i hope you weren't looking for some sort of answer because well, i don't really have any.

sorry.

this and that

not much has happened in the few weeks since i was writing regularly. and i am not just saying that. that is what working six days a week will do to you.

but here are a few exciting (to me) things that HAVE happened.

- I have decided to make up for my lack of camera by using my webcam. of course this is limited to things that i can awkwardly point my computer at. which for now includes things in my room and myself. so here you go.

Do you remember when i mentioned that i moved the tv out of my room? Well this is where it used to be:



if you look closely you will see a picture of me in Tanzania with my friend Isaya, an encouragement notebook that my friend Kristina made for me. Some yummy smelling crystals in a bluebird, and African wood carving from Diana and some of my book collection. (also my poor neglected guitar!)

and here is the other thing i can take pictures of...my HAIRCUT!





i am still not positive that i love it, but the lady gave me what i asked for, so i can't complain about that.
PS i blowdried my hair just for you. feel special.

-also since we spoke last, two of my good friends got married in back to back weekends. that was pretty fun. i always have mixed feelings going into weddings, you know, happy for my friends, sad i have no date, having fun catching up with old friends, overwhelmed by so many people in a small space, feeling awkward by my lack of small talk skills... anyone else struggle with this, or is it just me?

-one of my favorite things that has happened that i wanted to tell you about was eating at a Greek restaurant. It was probably the most fun that i have ever had eating. The food was all outstanding and we had dancing in-between courses. It made me want to go to Greece. i HIGHLY recommend.

-some very exciting news. Kristina had her baby! That makes me the closest that i will be to an aunt for a long time. i won't mention the fact that i found out that my best friend had a baby from someone else's blog (oops, i just did) but i am super excited and i plan to go visit Adoration VERY soon. Probably as soon as the family isn't visiting and i can get off work...get my bed ready Stine!

-and lastly i will leave you with my favorite deal of the summer: "Freefill" cups at RaceTrac. you buy the cup once and then fill it up for free all summer long. sodas AND icees. that's right, you walk right in, fill up your cup with whatever you want then walk right back out. it is amazing. and it has been perfect because it is so blazin HOT outside! We're talking heat indexes above 100 degrees. and one of my jobs is outside. so i stop and get myself an ice cold drink and refresh myself. amazing. if you live anywhere near a racetrac i highly recommend it!

following the path.

hello world, i'm back.

i have been hiding for a while trying to get my head back in the right direction. the truth is, i have been hiding from more than this blog, but from life as well. see, i have always been an independent person, and while i know and value the importance of community, once i start to isolate myself then all i want to do is be by myself. and then to add to that, i went to a wedding where i saw a bunch of friends who asked me "how are you?" "what are you up to these days" "how is school going?" and, well, i didn't have a good answer for any of those questions. and i got discouraged all over again.

and once you let discouragement get a word in, it is a downward spiral from there.

and you feel like quitting.

can this possibly be the way that He has chosen for me?

didn't the Lord choose for me to go to this school?

and didn't He ask me to trust Him financially and not take out any loans?

why am i stuck here feeling like i am struggling with forward motion?

i get so frustrated because i feel like the things that are difficult in my life right now are the same ones that i have faced for the past seven years, and i feel like i am repeating the third grade over and over again. Haven't i learned what i am supposed to learn by now? how much longer am i going to stay here?

and then there is His glorious grace. with no change in circumstance, i can have hope, i can be encouraged, i can keep walking on this path that seems to be leading me away from His promises. This is because i know that He is true to His word, and even if He wasn't, He is better than the alternative (walking without Him). So, i will keep walking. i will keep working toward the goal, and though i may be tired and worn out now, i know that there is more to the bigger picture than what i can see now. i just have to trust. Because walking with the Shepherd through the valley is better than walking alone on the high places.


"Indeed if only the path they were following would begin to ascend, they could not doubt that they would soon be at the snowline and approaching the real High Places, where no enemies could follow and where the healing streams flowed. Now instead the path was leading them down into a valley.

How could one follow a person who asked so much, who demanded such impossible things, who took away everything?

For one black, awful moment Much-Afraid really considered the possibility of following the Shepherd no longer, of turning back. Her sorrow and suffering could be ended at once, and she could plan her life in the way she liked best, without the Shepherd.

He lifted her up, supported her by his arm, and with his own hand wiped the tears from her cheeks, then said, 'Will you bear this too Much-Afraid? Will you suffer yourself to lose or be deprived of all that you have gained on this journey to the High Places? Will you go down this path of forgiveness into the Valley of Loss, just because it is the way that I have chosen for you? Will you still trust and still love me?"
Hannah Hurnard


yes. a thousand times, yes.

two birds, one post.

ok, this is going to be a multi-functional post.

first i have to say that my beautiful friend kristina is sitting at home, sick, very pregnant, and alone on her birthday, so i just want to give her a little blog love :) Have you ever had a friend who right after you meet her, you feel like you have known her forever? that is how i feel with kristina. it seems strange to me that i have not been friends with her as long as some of my other friends because we just connected so quickly. we relate so easily with each other and we experience so many of the same things. I can't count the number of times i have gone to kristina when i was struggling with something and she had gone through or was currently going through the same thing. and i am so glad that the Lord gives her such great insights because He gives them to me through her. Thank you stine for being faithful to God, and thank you for loving me! Kristina is also a talented photographer. Check it out!

secondly just a few life notes and confessions

-i haven't been on my computer in three days. i kind of like not being on it, but then it is tough when i come back (so much to catch up on!)

-today i ate a candy bar. and really regretted it afterward.

-i have been thinking about the Israelites (i am almost through Exodus in my Chronological Bible) and how they had access to the presence of God but got so distracted by other gods and other things. and i thought, if they can be led through the sea and see the glory of God and still fall away from Him, then i don't feel as bad about my own distractions, but it also means that i have to work that much harder in my pursuit of holiness. Today after i got home from church i moved the tv out of my room. it has been such a distraction to me ever since i moved back home. and now it is gone, and may i say that my room feels so much more peaceful and looks more spacious.

-tomorrow i am working both of my jobs back to back. that means that i will start work at 7am and finish around 6:30 pm. happy memorial day to me. i just got to keep thinking about that paycheck and what that means. (SCHOOL!!!!!!)

-i have some other things on my mind, but they will have to wait for another day because i need to go to bed early and i have a lot of blog reading to catch up on!!

milestones

this was a weekend of memories and milestones.

My baby sister, caitlin, graduated from high school! i just can't believe it. she was always that little girl tagging along behind all of us. now she is practically a grownup.


she is one of my most favorite people in the whole world and i am so glad that we got to celebrate her this weekend. Friday we had a party for all of her friends to come over, saturday was graduation and we had a luncheon with our family, then some party hopping. sunday we drove to Alabama to celebrate caitlin and our cousin ellen who is also graduating. it was so fun to spend time with our crazy extended family. we always have so much fun goofing off together. i tease my uncles that their maturity level drops 10 points when they get together.

i was pretty proud of my sun skills because we were out by the pool all day and i only got burned in a couple little places, AND for the first time in forever, i didn't feel totally self-conscientious in my bathing suit.

now it is back to work. i worked today, and i then i work wednesday through saturday. i won't know if i work on sunday until wednesday. but basically, i am working a lot.

Here is my favorite karenism from this weekend:
when she found out that my brother's friend was applying to MCG (Medical College of Georgia) she asked if that is what they put into chinese food. (that would be MSG)

crazy dream

i woke up at 4:45 this morning with this dream lingering in my head. i thought it was strange and i was wide awake, so i decided to type it out. This is what i wrote, unedited:

i had a dream about a man of reasonable stature, blonde hair in a bowl cut, and round glasses.

when he was young, he received a gift that changed the course of his short life. a rubix cube. The first time he solved it, it took him 2 hours. as he got better and better, he decided to enter a contest. when he entered, he felt sure that he could win, not because he could solve the cube quickly, but because he was the only entry. that is, until the phone rang.

a man named Dr. Erik Johnson was on the line and he had his rubix cube and a timer ready to challenge anyone who was willing. Our friend was willing. he lost. Erik was kind and gracious to him, but this incident spurred him on to pursue excellence in everything that he did, even the rubix cube.

He continued to practice the puzzle, all the while he was excelling academically. He graduated early and went on to attended medical school, inspired to pursue neuroscience and brain surgery by his friend and challenger Dr. Erik Johnson. During this time, they had developed a correspondence and friendly rivalry, and finally one year, with his yellow timer ticking the moments by, he beat Dr. Johnson’s time on the cube. “done.” he said as witnesses watched on in amazement.

the year he graduated from medical school was the same year they noticed the spot in his brain. all his work and studies had made him aware of just what his prognosis was, and he refused treatment.

the day he died, Dr. Johnson was in surgery. Upon completion he received a one word message from his friend. “done.”

The last week of his life he had made a journal entry for each day. a drawing of a different organ, each one in a different color. just like his cube.

sometimes boring is good

This week has been a really good week. (besides all the working, but working DOES mean paychecks- my favorite!)

i got to spend some time with a couple of my favorite people- one of which just graduated from UGA and is interning at the Wesley Foundation next year (yay!) i think that i should mention that i told him that he would intern when he was a senior in high school and i was in my first year in the internship program. it seems strange to me that so much time has gone by between now and then. but, i am pumped that he is doing it because working at Wesley was probably the best experience of my life so far.

anyways, we went to dinner and he catered to two of my great loves; good conversation and Mexican food! So that was a fun night, and then the following night i hung out with my friend Andrew, which usually means dinner at Publix and a documentary. However, since we were hanging out on the night of The Office, we did not watch a documentary, but we stayed true to our normal routine and ate a Publix dinner.

Yesterday my family and i attended a senior brunch (or "unch" in my mom's case) for my baby sister who is graduating from high school. Strangely enough, it was not a buffet. i don't know why, but i always assume that a brunch is going to be a buffet. is that an abnormal assumption? but they did have the brunch standard quiche, with potatoes, a cheese biscuit, and a yummy croissant with some kind of chicken mixture inside.

i am getting used to working again, which basically means growing accustomed to being tired all the time. i only work four days this week, which will be nice because we have a busy weekend next weekend with my sister's graduation, family coming into town, parties, and i am planning on going to a fundraiser concert at my church featuring Mac Powell. That's right, how many of y'all have Mac Powell doing a fundraiser at your church?

sorry for this boringly detailed post of my life. i didn't realize i would be making a list of boring things when i sat down to write it. i am not feeling very deep these days, so this is what comes out of my head. any suggestions for writing topics? i think i need more direction.

treadmills, brunches, and pedicures

i was going to write a blog. but now i am too tired.

so i will just give you some advice.

when you are running on the treadmill and watching tv, choose your show wisely.

because watching extreme home make-over when they are fixing a house for a family that adopted 6 children from China, some with special needs and the father is in the hospital dying from cancer while you are running is not a good idea.

i am hoping that the people on the treadmills next to me thought the tears running down my face was sweat, and i tried to keep my choking to a minimum.


tomorrow morning at ten we are going to a brunch honoring the graduating seniors at church. my mom doesn't think that she can wait til ten to eat breakfast, so she decided that she will eat her normal breakfast and just go for the "unch" part and not the "br"

so most of us will be going to the brunch, but karen is going to unch.

i'll let you know how that goes.

PS i took my sister to get a pedicure today for her graduation present, and you know that i couldn't let her get a pedicure on her own, so i had to make a sacrifice and join her. But now i am officially on a spending hiatus because, well, lets just say i owe my parents a lot of money. Let the frugality begin! at least my toes look cute.

irresponsibility.

if there is one quality in myself that i hate, it is irresponsibility.
i try so hard to be responsible in every part of my life, but it just doesn't always happen. this has happened unfortunately with my job at Michaels. Here i am, starting work with a bunch of people that i don't know and i am making a great impression as an irresponsible flake.

and i feel pretty sick about it.

at michaels, you have to ask off 15 days in advance, but i needed to request a couple days within that period from when i began working. i didn't realize that on my first day working that they would have the schedule prepared for the following week and they had scheduled me right in the middle of my friend's wedding, so i had to ask if i could leave early that day.

that was last saturday. last friday, i was supposed to be at work at 5:30, but i went with my parents to take my brother out to lunch for his birthday that day and got stuck in the middle of Atlanta traffic and was 30 minutes late for my shift.

i had to request off next saturday for my sister's high school graduation, then two more saturdays in june for more weddings.

after all of this, i was thinking that i really needed to get my act together and do everything that i can to be a good and responsible worker, someone that they are glad that they hired.

then yesterday, i had gotten off of work at the Pet Resort and was running errands with my mom when i got a call from my boss telling me that i was supposed to be in 45 minutes ago.

crap.

i felt so bad.

luckily, i made a mistake reading the schedule that many others have made before. i didn't realize that there was more than one page that i had to look at.

now i know.

hopefully i won't be making that mistake again.

and hopefully i won't get fired.

my mom

First, let me say that i just saw a commercial for a device that cracks eggs for you. seriously? if you can't crack an egg, maybe you shouldn't be cooking.

Second, i just wanted to take a little time this mother's day to write a short tribute to my favorite mom.

my mom is known throughout all of Northside Hospital (where she is an RN) and among west cobb for her incredible baking skills.

anything you ask my mom for that is within her power, she will do for you.

she is passionate about her kids and her pets.

and she has taught me so much about how to love and give and serve.

but she is also stinkin hilarious.

just a few examples:

on friday we went to go visit my brother and she noticed that his dog was really skinny. She exclaimed "your dog is emancipated!"

i was riding with my parents somewhere and my dad saw a sign for kickboxing classes and he suggested that my mom enroll. Her response was "who would want to take a class where you sit around and kick boxes?"

you can't make this kind of stuff up folks. these are genuine karen quotes.

one of my favorite karenisms happened when she tried to use my phone which was set to predictive text to send a text message to my sister. She was attempting to type "sucks for you" but could not figure out how to use the T9. The result was unintelligible, but she sent it to my sister anyway. The resulting text was "sprsstaba" so, now, whenever something bad happens to someone, our response is "sprsstaba!"

one of my mom's favorite activities is to say outrageous things to see what kind of a reaction she can get out of people. Once she was pulling into a parking space next to the designated handicapped spot. And she says "i don't like to park next to handicapped spots because i don't want them to get out and scratch my car with their wheel chair" then she turns and looks at me with this grin, like she is waiting to see how i will respond to what she just said.

i try not to encourage this behavior.

i have tons more gems like that, but i don't want to overwhelm you.

basically, i am a lucky girl with an amazing mom.

a busy weekend

well, my life of leisure has officially come to an end.

today is day five of ten consecutive work days. and i am exhausted.

but then again, it has been a full weekend. i wish that i could take the time and make a posts for each event, but you are just going to have to bear with my tiredness and lack of time and read a condensed version.

yesterday was my most FAVORITE brother's birthday. so to honor said occasion, my parents drove down to milledgeville where he goes to school. never one to turn down a free lunch and a chance to see my brother, i went along for the ride. besides being tired, car sick, and late for work, it was a good day.

today also was a really long and good day. this afternoon my friend and running partner, Rebecca got married! so this morning i woke up early, took a shower, did my hair, put on make-up, and got everything ready to go for the wedding since i would have to leave straight from work. Then my sister and i rode to purchase a present and card for the couple, i dropped her off at work, and i went to work. i got off a little after 3:30, ran to pick up my sister (whom Rebecca had as a camper when she worked at camp horizon), i changed in the garage, and we rode to downtown marietta for the ceremony. when we arrived at the church, we had to park down the street and we were already almost 30 minutes late. then, we couldn't figure out which door to go in, so i just went into the first door i found that was open. we walked into the church, but we didn't see anyone. we walked toward where i thought the sanctuary was and i saw a door that said "quiet please service in progress" so i thought, "this must be it" i went forward to open the door and i cracked it just a little bit. when i peeked in, i saw the back of the bridesmaids. that's right, it was the FRONT of the sanctuary! i quickly shut the door. i didn't know what to do. i saw some stairs and i thought that there might be a balcony over the top so we climbed the stairs, and alaina said "you have got to be kidding me" i saw another set of doors, started to pull on them and heard a LOUD creaking sound. nix that idea. so we went back down and wandered around a bit more. i could see along the side of the sanctuary and see that there weren't any doors, so i thought that we would be sitting outside until the ceremony was over. in one last attempt to make it inside, we walked around outside and i was relieved to see doors in the back of the sanctuary! yay! so we went up to the balcony and saw the last few minutes of the ceremony.

THEN to make the day even better i got COMPLETELY lost driving from the ceremony to the reception. yes, i got lost driving from marietta to kennesaw. my hometown. i am not proud of that fact, but it is, still a fact. i attribute it to being tired and misreading the directions, but feel free to judge me.

finally we made it and had a great time, hanging out with old friends, eating yummy food, and dancing the night away! and i think alaina had a good time too. she was asking me which guys were single, since she made it clear that she was NOT my date. i guess i will have to look elsewhere.

tomorrow, it is the early service and back to work for me. hopefully i will have the strength to workout afterward because i was only able to exercise three times this week.

confessions

1. last saturday i watched an entire season of america's next top model sans one episode. that's right. a whole season. in one day. of america's next top model. now, i did miss one episode to go to the gym, but i also must confess that i flipped through the channels on the tv to see if i could find it. (i didn't)

2. i have COMPLETELY spoiled my dog.
evidence:


this is jude sleeping with my teddy bear. on my bed.
i took this with my webcam, so that is why the quality is low.

3. i can tell how my body is not used to working. i just finished working three days in a row and i am exhausted! i think that it is the getting up at 6am part that is getting to me. last night i fell asleep at 7:30 for an hour then went to bed again at 10:30. it is going to take me a while to get back in the swing of this

4. someone brought doughnut holes into work this morning. need i say more?

the willies

you know that thing that creeps you out? The thing that invades your nightmares? The thing that people tell stories about and you shudder inwardly?

well, i met my thing for the first time this morning. it was more horrific than i imagined.

i was in the bathroom getting ready for work at around 6:20 this morning when all of a sudden i felt a sharp pain in the middle toe of my right foot. My first thought was that i stepped on a tack or something sharp. i looked down at my toe, but didn't see anything. then i started to look around to see if there was anything on the floor that could have caused the pain that was slowly increasing.

then i saw it.

the creepiest creature God ever created.

and i was late for work.

just a few things.

i am not one who develops crushes on people i do not know. in fact, i am not one who often develops crushes in general. but i have to say, ever since the winter olympics i have a huge crush on Evan Lysacek. He is classy, disciplined, handsome, and quirky. and HELLO have you seen him on Dancing with the Stars? But really, i just like how he handles himself and pressure and does everything with class. and he is seriously cute. forgive me for being shallow, but that's just the way it is. doesn't everyone deserve to be a little shallow sometimes?

earlier today i was sitting on the couch with my mom and i was giving her a hard time about something and she flicked me off! i started to get up, acting offended and she leaned over to grab me and as she did, she got her earring caught in the blanket on the couch. i had a good laugh.

today was my first day back at the Pet Resort. it wasn't bad, i am getting paid well, and i got a tip for the bath that i gave. yay! and i think i only got 3 bruises today.

now i am up too late because i have to get up super early again tomorrow. I went from not working at all to working 6 days this week. crazy.

i think this is the most random post ever. i am paving new ground here.

life.

Yesterday was my second day at Michaels, and you know, i didn't hate it. It actually might be a fun job. The girls that i worked with were pretty fun and i actually feel like i got to know the store a little more.

other than working yesterday, i have been a bum. (But more on that in my next confessions post- boy do i have a doosy for you!)

But here are some productive things that i HAVE done lately:

i have been reading my chronological Bible that my friend Mary gave to me last year. i am almost done with Genesis. which i love. one of my favorite things about the Bible is how everything ties together and circles back around. For example, in Genesis we see the birth of people groups who continue to play a role in the lives of the Israelites for thousands of years. Like Lot's (Abraham's nephew) descendants become Moab and Ammon. Esau's (Jacob's brother) descendants become Edom. We also see in Genesis the creation of Babylon, a city that comes up again throughout the Bible all the way to Revelation. It is all really interesting stuff and the chronological Bible does all the time line work for me (although i like to do it myself anyways because it helps me learn). ok, enough nerdy stuff.

i am still running when my knees allow me and the other day i ran a 5k (on the treadmill) in record time. That is, to clarify, record time FOR ME. i seriously doubt it would be record time for normal people because, as i believe i have mentioned previously; i am a SLOW runner. but i am ok with that.

i am still working on that Bethany Dillon song. i have got it down pretty well except for this one chord change where i have to go from the second fret to like the eighth fret really quickly. it is hard. and so there is like this awkward pause in the song while i reset my fingers.
today i started working on a new song because i have discovered that if i am not learning new songs, i really don't practice my guitar that much. The song that i am working on now is one that we sing at church a lot and i. just. love. it.

have a listen, and be blessed.

good-bye april, hello may

April was a good month.
i completed my 30 day project which was mildly successful. i feel that it got me moving in the right direction as far as a better lifestyle goes.
i made new friends.
i got a job.
i visited old friends.
i feel like i have finished this month better than i started it. That seems like a good way to live. i had some rough moments, but i am better now. i feel like i am back to being more "me" if that makes sense. But i am still making my way.

May is going to be a busy month. i will be balancing two part-time jobs, attending a wedding, seeing my sister graduate, visiting my brother for his birthday, and hopefully spending time with friends. (especially my long lost accountant friend who is getting married in June!)

i completed my first day of training at Michaels. i learned how to use the cash register in about five minutes, but it will probably take me about five years to learn the store, so it will balance out. It will be a trying job probably, but i am sure that there will be a lot of opportunities for me to learn things from it. (and i am not talking about learning about different types of yarn either)

God give me grace.

confessions

-this week i am training for my new job at Michaels. i am oh so grateful to have a job, but i am not super excited about it. hopefully it will be fun and i will become a craftier person. hopefully

-i have yet to receive one paycheck and i am already fighting the materialistic, selfish me that wants a new purse, a new dress, a certain movie, and a haircut. it is so much easier to deny myself when there is no money to spend. come on self-control!

-i have started watching Biggest Loser. Erika is killing me with all these shows she has me watching! But i love this show so much! it is so inspirational and it usually makes me cry (and i am not really a crier). tonight though i learned a valuable lesson that for some reason they split one episode into two parts, so when i went to record it before i went to Bible study, i did not realize that i only recorded the first part. i started to get suspicious when the contestants were in the middle of herding cattle and there was only 2 minutes left in the recording. Bummer. good thing i know that they show it again on saturday!

-i have reached a new level of dorkiness by adding the reading of a book on grammar to my bedtime routine of a sudoku puzzle. That is right people, i get into bed, read a chapter in my grammar book and do a sudoku puzzle. i am not ashamed.

-i have been sleeping better. ok, that is not really a confession as much as a thankfulness. i posted this verse beside my bed and read it before i go to sleep (after the grammar and puzzle)

Lift up the light of Your countenance upon me O LORD! You have put gladness in my heart. In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for you alone O LORD make me dwell in safety
Psalm 4:6-8

identity

have you ever noticed that one of the first questions you hear when you meet someone is "so, what do you do?"
So much of our identity and how we are perceived comes from what we do and not who we are. That is why when we find ourselves in situations where what we are doing is not necessarily reflective of who we are, an identity crisis ensues.
Those who are unemployed or working in jobs that they dislike struggle in figuring out just who they are.

Even though i thought that i had such a firm grasp on my identity, i find myself dreading that question "what are you doing?" It makes me doubt myself and what i am doing.

In my Bible study this past week we started reading Titus. This short book in the New Testament is a letter from Paul to, you guessed it, Titus. In this letter, Paul is giving Titus advice for establishing leadership in the local churches on the island of Crete. Paul lays out in the first chapter the qualifications of elders for the church. Some of the qualities that Paul lists are being above reproach, patient, hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, and self-controlled. Something that our leader pointed out was that these qualifications for leadership had nothing to do with what they did, their talents, or gifts, but it had everything to do with their character.

In other words, according to the Lord, the question is not necessarily "what do you do?" but,

"who are you?"

What if that became our question when we met someone?

What would you say?

daughter.
sister.
beloved disciple.
passionate.
obedient.
organized.
joyful.
hard-working.
a child of the living God.

who just happens to be working a job in retail. (did i mention i got a job?)

i love free things.

i mean, who doesn't?
enjoyable things are even better when they are free and this has been a great weekend of free things.

There is a guy who is in my cell group who plays baseball, in fact he is a pitcher for the Braves (way cool). He is still in the minors, but probably not for long because he is awesome. AND he loves Jesus and is evangelizing to the guys on his team (again, very cool). ANYWAYS, he was scheduled to start on Friday night so some of us drove up to Rome to watch him pitch.
Reasons why it was a good night:
1. Chris got us free tickets, so i walked right up to the will call window and told the lady my name and she handed me my ticket like i am a vip or something.
2. Our seats were right behind the dugout
3. Chris did a great job pitching and we were able to encourage him by being there
4. He also stayed behind to chat for a little while and we got to watch all the little kids line up to get his autograph. One kid even had Chris's baseball card. I actually know someone who has a baseball card! crazy.
5. i got a chance to spend time with people from my cell group and make friends. yay!

while i was at the game, i got a text from a friend of mine asking me if i wanted to go see Beth Moore on Saturday. i didn't have any plans, so i said, "sure!"
so first thing this morning, i got up and drove to Woodstock. Now, i knew that Beth Moore was popular, but i had no idea that this conference was such a big deal. First i sat in traffic like i was going to a major sporting event, then i drive through a maze of a parking lot (where they had trolleys like at six flags to take you to the church). Finally i made it into the building where there were TONS of people, i met up with my friends and they handed me my ticket to get in (which by the way was a $50 ticket) and we headed up to the balcony for general seating. i wasn't sure what to expect, but it was a fantastic conference. Apparently they were broadcasting to over 800 other places at the same time so that there were around 300,000 women watching. Beth talked about her new book "So Long, Insecurity" i haven't read this book or even heard anything about it, but let me tell you, it is probably amazing because her talk certainly was. Basically, the main idea is that if we really know that we are loved and place our security in God then we could live a truly extraordinary life. i highly recommend it!

a great weekend of free stuff, now if only i had free gas!

blemishes and decisions

so, the other day, i rubbed my nose and it hurt. i thought to myself, wow, i guess i bruised my nose somehow, and i could not for the life of my figure out how. i decided it was a mystery and did not worry about it. But then the next day i got up and looked in the mirror and there was this HUGE zit on my nose. My whole nose was bright red and it really hurt. What am i now, 16? i feel like i am in a Beverly Cleary book or something. Yuck. Thank God for make-up.

In other news, i have been distracted lately with home stuff, which is why the blogging has decreased. My mom and i have been cleaning and organizing the basement and garage and i have been grocery shopping for the family, which is an ordeal because i have to find out what is on sale where and go through all my coupons that i have stock-piled.

My Bible study group had a coffee house on Tuesday with live music and snacks and fellowship. I brought my new friend Katie with me and we had a lot of fun. Katie is a little more talkative than i am, so she helped me relax and meet more people.

A friend of mine wants me to babysit for her on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, which is great because it is income and because i love this family. The problem is that they live an hour and a half away, so i would have to commute and i would have to miss my Bible study that i have started going to. i am not sure what i am going to do yet. i need to pray about it some, but at this point, i don't know that i have the luxury of turning down income. we will see.

well, i got myself thinking about Beverly Cleary now, so i am going to go do some reminiscing over her books. Ramona is my absolute favorite!

things of note.

while my weekend was not as great as Erika's (of whose weekend i am envious), it was a pretty decent weekend with two notable occurrences.

First, as i have before mentioned, i have been running a lot lately, and while i have a natural propensity toward athleticism, i certainly am not a natural runner. Because of this, i was pretty proud of myself when i was finally able to run a full mile (without stopping). In all my life i have never really been able to do that. My ultimate goal is to be able to run a 5k straight through. i still have a long way to go, but because i have been running everyday, i have improved more quickly than i thought i would be able to. Yesterday while i was running on the treadmill, i pushed myself to run 2 miles. 2 miles! That is just crazy to me. Now, that might not seem like a lot to you, and it is probably true that you could keep up with me if you were walking, but you can't take away how excited i was about that. Now i can't go back to just running one mile. Today at the park i did a mile and a half with Jude, now i just have to get him on board. i think he has gotten a little lazy.

The second exciting thing that i did this weekend was see my wonderful friend Monica. She took me to a magical heaven called The Container Store. i wandered, awe-struck down each glorious aisle, gazing at the neat rows of boxes, hangers, shelves, and hooks. i delighted in each sample closet, each tool shed example, each novel idea for organization. Everything is straight, everything is organized, everything is put where it belongs, and for a minute, i can pretend like life can do the same.

"forgetting was lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, i press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" Philippians 3:13-14

and so on

i know that i have been slack in posting. i honestly didn't know what to say. The days are passing quickly by and i do my best to keep them occupied.

i am re-reading one of my favorite books, and running, and meeting friends at the park, and spending time with my sister who is on spring break (as much as she allows), and somehow organizing a coffee house, and mailing my scholarship applications.

i received no word about the job that i interviewed for, but i am not worried. i did everything i know to do and it is out of my hands. i have an interview on monday to work at an arts and crafts store, which i imagine could be fun. we shall see.

i am staying optimistic. i have stopped applying for a job a day because i found myself applying for jobs that i did not care for, and i was not putting forth my best effort on the application and cover letters. I have decided that my time would be better spent looking for a job that i would care enough about to put forth a respectable application because otherwise i am wasting my time.

on a completely unrelated note, i was riding with a friend the other day and the new Mil*y Cyr*s song came on the radio. i wasn't really paying much attention except to notice that it was the one that is from her new movie. But my friend apparently was paying a little more attention and asked "is she singing about Jesus?" I couldn't tell enough to respond and quite forgot about it until i heard it another time and realized that it did, in fact seem that she was singing about Jesus. Check out the Lyrics.

a great week.

last week (palm Sunday to Easter Sunday) was one of the best weeks that i have had in a while. lets recap, shall we? just for fun.

Palm Sunday is seriously my favorite Sunday of the year. Something about the kids coming in waving the palm fronds, it always gets me. And i was delighted to sing the song Hosanna by Hillsong while they walked around the sanctuary. i loved it.
To top off a great experience with the Lord, i had a strong sense that things were turning around and i would see fruit the following day.

Sure enough, Monday morning when i checked my email there was the message about a phone interview, which i had Tuesday. She called back on Wednesday to ask me if i could come in for a formal interview on Friday, which i did. And i got a new cardigan out of the deal. (my mom's Easter gift to me- she is probably REALLY wanting me to have a job!)

The weather was GORGEOUS all of last week and Jude and i went to the park several times (including Easter)

i got to hang out with some homeless guys

i completed the work for my class

i had some great time with the Lord

i got to see some people that i love and meet a few new people

AND i got Baptized on Easter Sunday (after like 10 years of putting it off)

like i said, it was an amazing week, but even in the midst of all the things that God is doing, it is so easy to let my thoughts go astray. i used to read about the mistakes of the Israelites and i wondered how a people in the midst of God's miracles could doubt His power. But i know that i do the very same thing! Saturday evening, i was sitting on my computer looking up my car insurance bill that is due this week, and i felt panic and anxiety overcome me. i have no idea how i am going to pay my bills, i have no idea how i am going to put gas in my car. But i do know that i follow a God who will meet every one of my needs. i know that He holds me in the palm of His hands, and He will make a way for everything. i had to stop myself and think back on all the hopeful things that were happening in my life, and remember how the goodness and the mercy of the Lord will follow me all the days of my life. i don't know if i will get the job that i interviewed for. if i do get it, i will worship God and thank Him for His provision. if i don't get it, i will worship God and thank Him that He has another means of provision for me. He is good, no matter what circumstances come. And i am grateful that He has brought me this far.

today i am back on track with my project. i slacked a little last week because of my school work and i figured preparing for an interview could count as applying for jobs.

on Saturday, i was telling a friend that i went to a Good Friday service and she (always one to hold me accountable) said "Did you talk to anyone?" and she said that i gave her a look like a kid who hadn't done what they were supposed to. Of course i did not talk to anyone, because i am a chicken. Oh well, there is always next time i suppose. at least i am hanging out with people.

this week is shaping up to be a good week, just like last week. i am truly excited about what the Lord is doing!

"Look among the nations! Observe! Be astonished! Wonder! Because I am doing something in your days- you would not believe if you were told." Habakkuk 1:5

it is good.

what is so good about today?

it is kind of morbid if you think about it.

we celebrate the day when the one who loved and created us was brutally beaten beyond recognition, scorned and ridiculed, nailed to wood and raised up on a cross to die in agony before a crowd of people.

it is heart wrenching. it is gruesome. it is good?

if we look at the act of the crucifixion and the suffering that Jesus endured (on our behalf) in and of itself, it is a terrible, bleak Friday.

but if we see Friday in its context, if we know that this was the Friday before the most glorious Sunday there ever was, we can look back on the cross and call it good.

this evening i went to a prayer meeting, and we watched clips of the Passion of the Christ. as i looked up at images of Jesus bearing the consequences of my sin i realized that i have no right to anything. how can i complain about my life? how can i withhold ANYTHING from the God who gave me EVERYTHING. even His life.

just like that Friday so many years ago, i can look back at pain and suffering and know that in context, it is good. because the resurrection is coming. and Sunday, we will celebrate.

then on my way home, i heard a song on the radio that had this verse:

So when the whole world turns against me
And i'm all by myself
And i can't hear You answer my cries for help
i'll remember the suffering that Your love put You through
And i will walk through the darkness
If You want me to

it is good. it is really really good.

a tribute

remember oliver? He was hanging in there pretty well until this week when he went downhill really quickly and my mom took him to the vet this morning. They took him to a field where lots of kitties live and run free and the sun shines on them all the time and there is lots of grass for them to eat and mice to chase. He is happy now and no longer in pain, and i am glad for that. But i am sad for my mom who really loved this cat.

Oliver was one of the most talkative and annoying cats there ever was. He was an inside cat who had a taste of the outdoors and was always jonesin’ to get out again. He would pace around the kitchen and wait for the door to open meowing the whole time. He loved to be held, and would wind his way around your feet (meowing of course) until you picked him up. He was nice to hold too because of his thick, soft fur. He had a big fluffy tail that i loved to play with. He had some strange habits too. He loved when my mom when put on lotion in the mornings and he would sit there and lick her legs. If that isn’t one of the strangest things I have ever heard, i don’t know what is.

Anyways, he was a great cat. And we will miss him.

also, i want to give a shout out to a wonderful woman whose life got turned upside down a while back when her daughter had an AVM rupture. Her blog is amazing and it totally rocked my world this evening. If only i could learn to live like this.

today.

whew! Today has been a busy day! But man, has it been a great one. i am beginning to think that this whole week is going to be one of those just awesome weeks (with one exception which i will probably post about tomorrow).
This morning i got up early and drove into Atlanta to serve lunch at the Atlanta Union Mission, and i am so glad that i did, even though, between you and me, i wanted to stay in the bed. i was a little intimidated at first because i was in the all mens shelter and i needed an escort to walk me around because i was all by my lonesome. But the volunteer coordinator there is so cool and we are like BFF now and i hope to help out there a lot more in the future.

After i made it safely out of Atlanta and back into Kennesaw, i decided that it was too gorgeous of a day to run on a treadmill, so i packed up Jude (the dog) and rode over to the park for a run. Wonderful. Except for the cramps that i got that kept me from running too much. That was not too wonderful, but how could you be sad when Spring is so nice? {i think she got my letter.}

Later in the afternoon i got to talk to my far away friend Jeffrey, who this week is REALLY far away in Sao Paulo, Brazil! Way fun. And i got to hang out with my "nephew" the son of one of my brother's friends who was ALWAYS around. He was too cute and he called Jude "Dude" which i just think is A-DOR-ABLE.

Then, this evening, not so fun, but very productively i finished my last paper for the semester. (yay)

Oh and i don't believe that i mentioned that i got the interview!!! i am going in on Friday at 10am, so pray because i would LOVE this job.

ALSO! i don't know what to wear!! Well, i know what i would like to wear, but i don't own it. so, any suggestions?

and really? no one had a comment on my bad poetry? really?

the insomniac blues

so yesterday, i failed. And last night i was reminded one of the main reasons that i started doing this project in the first place.

First of all, i slept way late. i don't know why my body thinks that it needs 10-11 hours of sleep a night, but it needs to get the memo that that is not ok.

Second, i watched two movies yesterday. One of which was emotionally draining (meaning i cried through the. whole. thing.) and i watched it before bed. Bad idea.

So lets just say that i didn't sleep much last night.

weird things go through my head when i am trying to go to sleep. i think maybe i let go of control of my thoughts and all filters disappear.

and things happen like this:

the insomniac blues

tick-tock, its three o'clock
i've got the insomniac blues
laying in bed, a million thoughts in my head
and nothing to lose

stomach or back, just can't relax
sleep eludes me again
too cold or too hot, i'll take off my socks
i just can't win

frustration & sorrow
i can't wait for tomorrow,
i guess it technically is.


........

since i didn't sleep much, i was up at 7am to prepare myself for my phone interview. i did my research on the company, i got up and got dressed per joey and erika's suggestions. Then i read, played the guitar, and waited for the phone to ring, and ring it did at 9:28. i think it went ok. We talked about mission trips, and how i am living with my parents, and how this job would be a great experience for me.

She is going to call me later this week to let me know if i merited an in-person interview. yikes!

Someone else is up all night too.