following the path.

hello world, i'm back.

i have been hiding for a while trying to get my head back in the right direction. the truth is, i have been hiding from more than this blog, but from life as well. see, i have always been an independent person, and while i know and value the importance of community, once i start to isolate myself then all i want to do is be by myself. and then to add to that, i went to a wedding where i saw a bunch of friends who asked me "how are you?" "what are you up to these days" "how is school going?" and, well, i didn't have a good answer for any of those questions. and i got discouraged all over again.

and once you let discouragement get a word in, it is a downward spiral from there.

and you feel like quitting.

can this possibly be the way that He has chosen for me?

didn't the Lord choose for me to go to this school?

and didn't He ask me to trust Him financially and not take out any loans?

why am i stuck here feeling like i am struggling with forward motion?

i get so frustrated because i feel like the things that are difficult in my life right now are the same ones that i have faced for the past seven years, and i feel like i am repeating the third grade over and over again. Haven't i learned what i am supposed to learn by now? how much longer am i going to stay here?

and then there is His glorious grace. with no change in circumstance, i can have hope, i can be encouraged, i can keep walking on this path that seems to be leading me away from His promises. This is because i know that He is true to His word, and even if He wasn't, He is better than the alternative (walking without Him). So, i will keep walking. i will keep working toward the goal, and though i may be tired and worn out now, i know that there is more to the bigger picture than what i can see now. i just have to trust. Because walking with the Shepherd through the valley is better than walking alone on the high places.


"Indeed if only the path they were following would begin to ascend, they could not doubt that they would soon be at the snowline and approaching the real High Places, where no enemies could follow and where the healing streams flowed. Now instead the path was leading them down into a valley.

How could one follow a person who asked so much, who demanded such impossible things, who took away everything?

For one black, awful moment Much-Afraid really considered the possibility of following the Shepherd no longer, of turning back. Her sorrow and suffering could be ended at once, and she could plan her life in the way she liked best, without the Shepherd.

He lifted her up, supported her by his arm, and with his own hand wiped the tears from her cheeks, then said, 'Will you bear this too Much-Afraid? Will you suffer yourself to lose or be deprived of all that you have gained on this journey to the High Places? Will you go down this path of forgiveness into the Valley of Loss, just because it is the way that I have chosen for you? Will you still trust and still love me?"
Hannah Hurnard


yes. a thousand times, yes.