Wednesday, March 31, 2010


whew! Today has been a busy day! But man, has it been a great one. i am beginning to think that this whole week is going to be one of those just awesome weeks (with one exception which i will probably post about tomorrow).
This morning i got up early and drove into Atlanta to serve lunch at the Atlanta Union Mission, and i am so glad that i did, even though, between you and me, i wanted to stay in the bed. i was a little intimidated at first because i was in the all mens shelter and i needed an escort to walk me around because i was all by my lonesome. But the volunteer coordinator there is so cool and we are like BFF now and i hope to help out there a lot more in the future.

After i made it safely out of Atlanta and back into Kennesaw, i decided that it was too gorgeous of a day to run on a treadmill, so i packed up Jude (the dog) and rode over to the park for a run. Wonderful. Except for the cramps that i got that kept me from running too much. That was not too wonderful, but how could you be sad when Spring is so nice? {i think she got my letter.}

Later in the afternoon i got to talk to my far away friend Jeffrey, who this week is REALLY far away in Sao Paulo, Brazil! Way fun. And i got to hang out with my "nephew" the son of one of my brother's friends who was ALWAYS around. He was too cute and he called Jude "Dude" which i just think is A-DOR-ABLE.

Then, this evening, not so fun, but very productively i finished my last paper for the semester. (yay)

Oh and i don't believe that i mentioned that i got the interview!!! i am going in on Friday at 10am, so pray because i would LOVE this job.

ALSO! i don't know what to wear!! Well, i know what i would like to wear, but i don't own it. so, any suggestions?

and really? no one had a comment on my bad poetry? really?

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

the insomniac blues

so yesterday, i failed. And last night i was reminded one of the main reasons that i started doing this project in the first place.

First of all, i slept way late. i don't know why my body thinks that it needs 10-11 hours of sleep a night, but it needs to get the memo that that is not ok.

Second, i watched two movies yesterday. One of which was emotionally draining (meaning i cried through the. whole. thing.) and i watched it before bed. Bad idea.

So lets just say that i didn't sleep much last night.

weird things go through my head when i am trying to go to sleep. i think maybe i let go of control of my thoughts and all filters disappear.

and things happen like this:

the insomniac blues

tick-tock, its three o'clock
i've got the insomniac blues
laying in bed, a million thoughts in my head
and nothing to lose

stomach or back, just can't relax
sleep eludes me again
too cold or too hot, i'll take off my socks
i just can't win

frustration & sorrow
i can't wait for tomorrow,
i guess it technically is.


since i didn't sleep much, i was up at 7am to prepare myself for my phone interview. i did my research on the company, i got up and got dressed per joey and erika's suggestions. Then i read, played the guitar, and waited for the phone to ring, and ring it did at 9:28. i think it went ok. We talked about mission trips, and how i am living with my parents, and how this job would be a great experience for me.

She is going to call me later this week to let me know if i merited an in-person interview. yikes!

Someone else is up all night too.

Monday, March 29, 2010

week one.

i finished the first week of my project, and well, some of my goals were easier to keep than others.

Here is a summary:

Goals i kept:
applying to jobs. i applied to seven jobs in seven days. woo.
exercising five times
practicing the guitar five times

Goals i did not keep:
only watching one television show a day (this one was harder than i thought it would be!)

The rest of the goals i was pretty decent at, though not the best. i can feel myself starting to slack and focus on the goals that i want to stick to and slipping on the rest.

i need to motivate myself more, but that will have to wait because i have a paper due on Friday and i haven't really started it yet! i went to a coffee shop today to work on it only to discover that my account was overdrawn because of a charge that i did not make. joy. And the bank says that it cannot address the charge until it is no longer pending. When i drove to the bank to put money into the ATM, it would not accept it, and of course this branch had only one ATM and it was already closed. So i drove over to another branch (way fun in five o'clock traffic) to try another ATM which of course was not taking deposits either. Sometimes i think that there is a conspiracy against me! At least this branch was open and i was able to deposit the money in at the teller.

anyways, i do have some good news, i have a PHONE INTERVIEW tomorrow morning. This is the first response out of 40+ applications and resumes that i have sent. And this is actually a job that could help my future! So pray for me, i have never had an interview before and a phone interview makes me nervous because they won't see how cute i am. ;) at least i can complete it in my PJs.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

a letter to my friend

dear spring,

i know that i often say that autumn is my favorite season, but that does not discount my love for you. You have an amazing ability to lift my spirits and bring hope after the cold death of winter. i love the way you remind me of the resurrection of Christ. When you come, we rejoice to pack away our sweaters and pull out dresses, skirts, and sandals. i only ask one thing of you, please stop teasing me! Now, i have lived in Georgia for most of my life, so i know what to expect from March weather, basically that you can't expect anything. But if you come with your warmth, then i could trust in you and though i will spend more money on razors, you are worth it.

respectfully, your humble servant,

My beloved responded and said to me, 'Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come along. For behold, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers have already appeared in the land; the time has arrived for pruning the vines, and the voice of the turtledove has been heard in our land. The fig tree has ripened its figs, and the vines in blossom have given forth their fragrance. Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come along!
Song of Solomon 2:10-13

Friday, March 26, 2010

days three and four.

i was going to go to bed, but felt that i needed to update, since i know that all of you are on the edge of your seat about what has been going on in my life the past two days.

First of all, can i say that i love this productivity thing. it is really working for me. i have kept really busy and this week has gone by really quickly. i have applied for five jobs and followed up on one from last week, i finished my assignment for school two days ahead of schedule, mailed in a scholarship application, and cleaned out the basement (among other things).

i used to think that being a stay at home mom would drive me crazy, but now i think that it would be fun. Of course if i had kids then i wouldn't have as much time as i do now, so maybe i could just be a stay at home wife. Or even a stay at home person. But i guess that is what i am now, and the no income thing makes it a bit difficult.

i am really trying hard not to think about the fact that i owe money that i don't have. i am not quite sure how i will get it, but i am sure that i will give glory to God when i do.

anyways, i really should get to bed, it is still taking me a while to fall asleep even though i am more and more tired by the end of the day. and tomorrow i am getting up even earlier to help a friend paint. which, by the way will be the second house that i have helped paint since i have moved here. strange huh? at least they feed me.

Oh, i almost forgot. i sent an email to Chick-fil-a telling them about my accident and i got a very nice personal email in return and some coupons in the mail. And i don't know if i mentioned it, but my phone (thankfully) is working again. but i am having trouble with the "p" button, so if you get a text from me that is missing a "p" that is why.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


1. The humane society commercial makes me cry

2. i didn't work out or play the guitar today (but i was, i would say, otherwise productive)

3. Finishing my school assignment is taking longer than it should because; (a) i haven't finished the readings, and (b) i am trying to watch 19 kids and counting while working on it.

4. i told my mom i would help her organize the basement before my brother comes home for spring break and i am more excited about doing that than any of the things that i am supposed to be doing.

5. Part of my motivation for doing this goals things is a hope that if i change my outside actions, my inside attitude will come along. i was reading about John Wesley recently and how he struggled a lot with never experiencing or feeling in his heart the things that he believed in his mind. One of his advisers told him to "preach faith until you have it." That is what i think a lot of the spiritual disciplines can offer us. i may not feel it, but i am going to act like i do until all of me is unified.

day 2. over and out.

Monday, March 22, 2010

day one.

so if you recall, i set some goals for myself last week. Because of a pressing assignment and traveling for class, i postponed their implementation til today.

overall, i would say the day has been successful.
i had a devotion, exercised, and played by guitar before lunch,
then after a short break, i applied for a job and spent the rest of the afternoon working on an assignment that is due Friday.

i feel very productive, and i think i am well on my way to becoming a better person. That is how it works, right?

Oh yeah, i also finished up my taxes, got some wedding replies ready to mail, AND made plans to hang out with a friend later in the week.

Take that, lazy self!!

And what am i doing now, you ask? Well besides catching up on blogs, i am watching one of my guilty pleasures that i am almost too embarrassed to declare to the world; Dancing with the Stars.

Come on. i know i am not the only one.

anyone? Bueller?

PS check me out and my blog savvy self: making links, redecorating, call me a blogger! No really, call me that.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

things i've learned

i attended a conference this weekend called "Christianity and Psychology: 5 Views" i enjoyed it even though probably 62% was over my head and we had to sit inside on the two nicest days of the year so far. Anyways, i thought i would share with you, some of the more interesting or important things that i took away from the weekend.

1. very important: never put your cell phone in your cup holder. ever.

2. caffeine is good. very good.

3. there is a movement supported by scientific research that is saying that there is no such thing as the soul because there is no physical evidence of it. Now when i say movement, i don't mean scientists that you don't know and who will never impact you. i am talking about Christians and BIBLE TRANSLATORS. That is right, some Bible translators are not using the word soul because they don't believe it exists. (check out NIV versions of Ps 107:9 and Heb 10:39 and compare it to King James)

4. research can tell you two opposing things. i already knew that research could be biased, but it is kind of gross to think that two different studies can show two opposite results.

5. an anti-Christian bias in psychological testing can make Christians look really unhealthy.

6. there are a whole lot of people who are a whole lot smarter than me.

7. Bryan College is a GREAT school and i would recommend it to someone looking for a quality place to get an undergraduate degree.

8. if you are a long-winded scientist or philosopher (and lets face it, most are long-winded) and are expected to fit all of your ideas on a subject into a one hour topic, i have some great advice for you that i learned from our speakers:
a. make up new words for a complex topic (they should have at least 5 syllables)
b. talk really quickly
c. cram as much information possible into one power point slide but only leave each slide in position for 8 seconds.

it was nice to get away, be on a college campus, eat in the dining hall, and dialogue with smart people like i know what i am talking about.

and can we talk about how i felt like a grown-up checking into my own hotel room?
i may or may not have jumped on the bed.

Friday, March 19, 2010

what are the odds?

i am in Tennessee this weekend for class. In order to be here at 9am i left my house around 6. So obviously, i took advantage of a free LARGE drink coupon from Chick-fil-a. i had drank (drunk?) about half of my coke when i was about 45 minutes from my destination. i reached down for it and as i grabbed it, it felt a lot lighter than i remembered, and as i lifted the drink i felt something wet on my leg. i looked down to see coke pouring out of the bottom of my cup onto my leg. i quickly set the cup back into the cup holder which i saw was FULL of coke. i also noticed that it had overflowed the cup holder into the other cup holder (where my phone was sitting) and onto the rest of the console (where my ipod was resting).


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

St. Patrick

So today i went for a run with a friend, so does that count as exercise AND socializing? Maybe?
Most of my time currently is trying to finish this assignment before Friday. I have four articles read and five to go. blah.

Really the reason i am posting today is because i don't want St. Patrick's day to go by with out a tribute to someone who is truly worthy of emulation.

St. Patrick was born somewhere around the year 390 in Scotland. That's right, he was Scottish! He was the son of a nobleman but was kidnapped by pirates when he was 16. That's right, pirates! Exciting already, right?

He was taken to Ireland and worked as a slave for 6 years until the Lord told him in a dream that there was a ship ready for him and he was able to escape back to his home. Later in life, he wrote about his time in captivity that "the love and fear of God and faith increased so much, and the spirit of prayer so grew within me, that I often prayed a hundred times in the day...The Spirit was burning within me." While growing in prayer and in his relationship with the Lord Patrick also learned the language and traditions of Ireland. After he made it home safely to Scotland, he knew that he had to return to Ireland as a missionary.

During one of the pagan feasts all fires were to be extinguished and one flame was to be lit by a Druidic priest.

On an opposing hill Patrick lit a flame that no one, despite their efforts, was able to extinguish. Because of this, the king gave Patrick permission to preach the gospel all over Ireland, and as a result, thousands came to the Lord.

I just love that what seemed like the worst thing that could possibly happen, radically changed, not only Patrick's life, but the lives of many in Ireland. God used Patrick's time in captivity to prepare him for his ultimate calling.

I am learning to not despise trials, but acknowledge that God has great things on the other side and He is teaching me something important in the midst of them.

Christ, as a light,
Illumine and guide me!
Christ, as a shield, o'ershadow and cover me!
Christ be under me! Christ be over me!
Christ be beside me,
On left hand and right!
Christ, be before me, behind me, about me!
Christ, this day be within and without me!
-St. Patrick

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


You may have noticed that i talk a big game.
Well, i have decided that the time for talk is over.
In counseling we say that when you make goals, they have to be SMART.

Action oriented
Time bound

So, i am doing a one month experiment to change the way that i am doing life right now. i know typically you do this stuff at the beginning of the month, but i need to do something. i have been talking a lot about change and choices, but i haven't really done anything to change my situation. So here it goes:

Goal number one: get a job. i will be required to apply to at least one job a day. i am on track so far this week as i applied to a job yesterday and today.

Goal number two: make friends. i will endeavor to do one social activity a week (excluding Bible study and church attendance) and i will tell myself that people want to be my friend.

Goal number three: be healthy(er). i will exercise five times a week and try to make better choices in eating. i think my goal has to be just trying to make better choices and not necessarily the best choice, because i just can't go cold turkey when it comes to eating what i want.

Goal number four: Practice the guitar thirty minutes a day, five days a week. i keep loosing my calluses because i go too long in between playing.

Goal number five: only one tv show a day. i won't be able to accomplish my goals if i just watch Psych all day.

Goal number six: spend time with the Lord everyday. If i think about it as just replacing one tv show with prayer, it doesn't seem like a hard thing to do.

Goal number seven: not to sleep later than nine, no matter how long it took me to fall asleep the night before. Maybe the more i am sleep deprived, the better able i will be to fall asleep when i lay down. Ideally i will get up at eight everyday, but i think i need to take baby steps in that direction.

Goal number eight: stay optimistic.

i am off track for this week already simply because i have my class this weekend in Tennessee and i have an assignment to complete, so i think that i will use this week as preparation and really get started next week. You guys are my accountability partners. i know that i will never change my life by just wanting it to change. i have to actually do something about it.

What should i call this, thirty days to change my life? It sounds like a self-help book.

thoughts, opinions, suggestions?


Friday, March 12, 2010

catalysts and such

Do you ever learn things about yourself that you wish weren't true? i have had a lot of time recently for some self-speculation and it hasn't always been fun.

First of all, i have realized that i am really not that great at making friends. i am not sure what it is, maybe it is 65% fear, 25% awkwardness, and 10% personal hygiene? (i brush my teeth, i promise! i just may or may not take a shower every day)

i have met a few people, but i am just not quite sure how to move from acquaintance to exchanging phone numbers and helping them move (Seinfeld reference, anyone?). There is a part of me that thinks, maybe i am just in a season where i am not around a lot of people, but then i think, i have been in this season for over two years now and i am ready to be back in a close group of friends. i think that is what sucks the most about growing older is that everyone that i love moves away or gets married (or both).

Another thing that i have noticed about myself is how sketch i am sometimes. For example, a friend of mine invited me to come over and help stuff wedding invitations. The day of the get together, i looked the invite up online and discovered, not only had it started an hour previously, but that i had never RSVPed (sp?). How sketch is that? Ok, here is another example, lest you think this is an anomaly - i went to a baby shower a little while ago and though i brought a gift, it was unwrapped, so the host of the party went to find a bag for me to place the gift in, but i had to ask the mom-to-be to return the bag to the host after she opened it (of course i had to ID myself because i did not have a card with the gift either). Call me mis-mannered. (Get it? Miss mannered, mis-mannered? ha ha, i crack myself up.)

Anyways, i get really uncomfortable and anxious when i think about areas in my life where my performance is less than stellar, and this is only the tip of the ice-burg when it comes to my short comings, but these are just the ones that i am thinking about right now.

But i guess we really can't improve on ourselves if we don't know what needs to be fixed. But then i think, what is personality and what is a fault? Am i shy or protecting my pride? Am i forgetful or thoughtless and lazy?

i have been listening to this song by Jars of Clay (thanks Erika!) And i have had this one line running through my head:

nothing ever changes by itself

What are those change-agents called? Catalysts. i need a catalyst to initiate change because you know, i am just not so self-motivated. Another flaw? maybe.

i just can't seem to get all of myself going in the same direction to actually make some progress.

The good news is that i have a busy week ahead. Maybe i will actually get something productive done.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

my life

i just looked over my previous post, and i realize it didn't really make sense. i think i just put a bunch of what was in my head onto the computer. So, sorry for my blog vomit. The truth is, i feel kind of silly sitting her in my room reminding everyone who happens upon my little piece of the web that there is absolutely nothing going on in my life. Lets see how bored i can make you by telling you about what is happening.
Here it goes:
1. I watched the last season of Monk and have now switched to watching Psych (it is hilarious, i highly recommend it)
2. The Olympics are over and i can go to bed at a decent hour, but i still can't sleep. i lie in bed for a couple hours before i drift off, my strategy is to try and make myself get up early in the morning so i will be more tired at night.
3. I replaced the blue curtain over my window with a pink fabric from Mozambique that Kristina gave me before i went to Tanzania
4. I am trying to learn how to play "The Kingdom" by Bethany Dillon on the guitar. It is not going very well.
5. My mom asked me to take pictures of my sister for prom next Saturday and i had to tell her that i gave my camera away...she doesn't like it when i give stuff away.
6. Some guy at the library thought that i was 17 or younger (At least i have that, right?)
7. i have taken over grocery shopping for my family. i think that my mom is the only one who is excited about this, but at least i am doing something productive.

There you have it. Are you still reading? I am sorry if you are. Another thing is, i have figured out just how inept i am technologically speaking. Why can't i figure out how to post a link?

Hopefully i will have a better post soon, maybe i will dig something out of my journal for you...

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

in like a lion

Truth be told, i have not been looking forward to March. A new month means new bills that i do not have the money for and it brought more snow (don't get me started on snow-i live in the south for a reason). i was supposed to have a job by now.
At lunch today, my mom asked me if i was getting any "vibes" from my "higher power" what the heck does that mean anyways? And no, i don't have any "vibes"

Do you ever notice how when you have a lot of things to do and not much time then you are motivated to get things done, but when you don't have much to do and a lot of time then you have zero motivation? It takes me so long to do simple things because the longer i spend not doing much, the less urgency i have for doing things.

i feel like i have made the right decisions and i feel like i am doing what i am supposed to be doing, so i don't want to doubt the plans that God has for me and how He is undoubtedly going to provide for all of my needs. i just wish that He wouldn't wait until the last minute all the time. But i guess that is where trust comes in.

i have to choose to lay my doubt down and carry trust instead. Put down my panic, insecurity, and anxiety, and pick up peace, joy, and truth.

again with the choices.

March comes like a lion.

You know, i have always liked lions.

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