Wednesday, October 27, 2010

can't we have an undo button?

there is an image from the Harry Potter book series that has always stuck with me. i assume that you all have a basic knowledge of the series. Harry is a wizard whose parents were murdered by the evil Lord Valdemort. At one point Harry is facing his enemy and something causes Valdemort's wand to do a reversal of his previous spells and Harry finds himself facing the image of his parents.

it broke my heart that there was no way for the spell to be completely reversed. it seemed like in this wizarding world where so many of the natural laws are suspended, that they could somehow find a way to get around the most critical law there is: death.

i found myself thinking about this today as i have been reflecting on the recent violent passing of a family friend.

can't God give us an undo?

as the One who actually CREATED natural law, the One who is SUPERnatural, can't He undo it?

of course He can.

but He doesn't.

and it hurts.

all this because we wanted it our own way. we wanted to make our own decisions and have control of our own lives. even our own deaths.

it is a good thing that this life is only the beginning.

"i would have despaired unless i had believed that i would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Psalm 27:13

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

abiding in grace

i was driving home from work lat night feeling totally exhausted and worn down by work and school, and feeling frustrated that there is nothing that i can do about it except keep working.

when suddenly i had this sense of just being completely overwhelmed by grace. if i take a moment and realize just how much grace the Lord has poured out on me, it is really just outstanding. i would not be here at all without it.

so, i just want to take a moment and publicly declare just how grateful i am for the all-encompassing, empowering, and sustaining nature of grace.

i read this today and it filled me with peace in my own situation, but also with several people i know who are struggling.
There is nothing that is out of the reach of God. And nothing can take me out of His hands. He is so good.

"Be Still, My Soul"
by Catharina von Schlegel, 1697-?
Translated by Jane Borthwick, 1813-1897
1. Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
2. Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
3. Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

expendability and youth

so, here is the thing about blogging. As someone for whom every hour of the day is a precious commodity, some things have to be cut out to make way for other things, like working, studying, and spending time with the Lord.
Among blogging there are a few other things that have been neglected as of late, they include:
-cleaning my room
-playing my guitar
-checking and responding to email
-exercising regularly
-watching tv and movies
-extra-curricular reading
-personal hygiene (just kidding)

also, if you are worried that it is just my blog being neglected, don't worry, because i probably haven't looked at yours either, so it is even.

In other news, the guy who leads worship at my church is recording a CD which is cool, but what is even cooler is that he needed a bunch of voices in the background and one of those voices belongs to yours truly. i went this evening to be a part of that, and now my throat definitely hurts because of all the yelling. i will let you know when that is available for purchase because i am pretty sure i will be getting lots of royalties for that. so anyways, i don't know if y'all know this, but i love to tell stories of when people are surprised by how old that i am. so, i was talking to this really cute energetic girl next to me who has my name. She and her husband just planted a church in Rome and they commute down to Kennesaw for school. She totally asked me if i was in high school or college. i laughed and told her i was in graduate school, then she and her husband tried to guess how old i was. the closest they got was 26 (after quite a few guesses). they were only 21 and they thought i was younger than them!

when i got home i was thinking about why i like for people to think that i look young, and i think that it is because i want to be that old again. something about being close to thirty really freaks me out. i think that if i was 24 and had accomplished all that i have, i would feel better about myself, but i guess i just feel like i should have more under my belt than i really do. so, what i decided is that i am going to pretend like i am 24, then i can feel like i can finish graduate school well before i turn thirty and i will have lots of time to start a family and do all the things that God wants me to do, and i won't have any anxiety about it. that will fix things right?

Unfortunately i was immediately brought back to reality by the 17 emails about my ten year high school reunion. blaaaaaaaaah.
that is a whole blog post in itself.
but it will probably be three months til i write it.

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