1. If you have a lot of money, don't get married. Your spouse will kill you so he or she can keep all the money for themselves.
2. If the person you love has a lot of money, don't get married, if they ever want a divorce, they will kill you or your housekeeper so that they do not have to pay for the the divorce or alimony.
3. On second thought, it is probably better if you don't get married at all, those life insurance policies can be pretty tempting.
4. If you are not married, but having an affair with someone who is, do not give them an ultimatum and threaten to tell his or her spouse. They will kill you.
5. Don't ever blackmail anyone, they will kill you.
6. If you meet someone who has worked with you or been around for a long time and yet, you have never noticed them before, be careful, they could be a murderer, or a victim.
7. There is no such thing as an airtight alibi. Being in space, 900 lbs, in a coma, or even dead, does not rule you out as a suspect.
8. Nothing is ever as it seems.
9. Always keep wipes with you, just in case.
10. Things are better if they are even. You'll thank me later.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
My friend Juli tried to post a comment, but couldn't, so she emailed it too me, she had some quality suggestions, so i decided to add it here:
ReplyDeletei agree! esp. about blackmail. and maybe you just shouldn't go to San Fran at all with the rate of homicide there. oh, and if someone tells you that you won something, like a free skydiving lesson, you should be careful. very careful!
Basically...it's likely someone's trying to kill you at some point in your life.
ReplyDelete