Choices

For those of you who have not had the wonderful pleasure of reading John Steinbeck's book East of Eden, you are not aware of where my blog name comes from. It was actually Kristina's idea for me to use this name. But i liked the idea because of the idea of how our choices shape our lives. The premise of the word timshel is that it means "thou mayest" as in, thou mayest conquer sin, thou mayest make the right decision. We have a choice in this life of how we will live, but really we have a whole bunch of little choices that all add together to direct our life.

i found myself over the past couple days, really getting down. Every job rejection was like a rejection of me. Messing up my phone and every other mistake i make (which is a lot according to my family) were really causing my view of myself to suffer. As i was running last night trying to get all the voices out of my head i thought about how i was not make good choices. The more i felt bad about myself, the less i was able to do the things that would really make a difference. All i want to do is stay in bed all day. i am sure that all the stress and anxiety of not having a job and being broke is contributing to my stomach problems. i realized that i am letting my circumstances dictate my identity. Which is the opposite of what the Lord has called us to do.

i remembered that song that we always sing (isn't it funny how the Lord reminds you of things that you have told, or sung to him?) Blessed be the Name of the Lord, how no matter what, i will say "Blessed be the Name of the Lord" and sure enough, as i was driving back from the gym, that song came on the radio.

i am choosing to surrender my life and circumstances to the Lord, i am choosing to trust that He has my best interest at heart, i am choosing to keep going, to keep working, to keep believing.


"Thou mayest! Why, that makes a man great, that gives him stature with the gods, for in his weakness and his filth and his murder of his brother he has still the great choice. He can choose his course and fight it through and win." Steinbeck

"if you do well will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and it's desire is for you, but [thou mayest] master it" Genesis 4:7