Hey! Wow, it has been a while huh? You don't even want to know about all the work that i have been doing lately. it is out of control and honestly, a little boring. so, i thought i would take some time in my pre-finals lull and tell you about a little revelation i had recently.
hopefully you aren't hoping that i did talk about psychopathology and counseling systems by the end of it. :)
Actually, my story does begin at school. you see, in my counseling theories and systems class we were learning about cognitive behavior therapy, which is a behavioral type of therapy that teaches people to change the way they think in order to change their behavior. anyways, one of the aspects of this counseling system is the fact that people create dogmas about life based on their experiences, and those dogmas impact how you interpret the world and your circumstances. For example, if you believe that you are an intelligent person, you will notice and remember all the good grades you made and the good ideas you have, but if you do something stupid, you will be less likely to attribute it to your character and more likely to say it was a mistake. If you think that you are stupid, you will notice every mistake and poor grade and discount good things you do as luck.
anyways, i was trying to think about things that i may have internalized about myself that affects how i see things, and what came to my mind was this phrase:
"nothing is ever easy"
and i knew right away that this was a predominant view that i have held about my life. i can clearly recall several times just in the past couple months (maybe in the past couple weeks) when i have said some variation of this statement. actually, it is usually something more like "why can't anything ever just be easy?" (in a frustrated tone). i know that because i had internalized this statement that i am more likely to remember every little bad thing that happens to me. every flat tire (tons), every car accident (8), every time i have gotten lost (uncountable), every time something has cost more money than i expected, took longer than i expected, or was just more complicated than i expected.
i spend so much time looking at the ease of others pursuit of God, family life, providing for school, finding a job, etc. and i just wonder why things are so difficult for me.
but now, when i think back, i wonder how many things i have taken for granted that have happened so easily for me. And more than that, how much patience and character have i been able to develop over the years because of having to do things "the hard way"
and then, the next day, i went to go see this movie:
ignore the katy perry song at the end of the video because this movie is amazing. and actually, my favorite quote from the movie is in this trailer:
"i don't need easy. i just need possible."
that is my new motto. who said that things should be easy anyways? why do i feel entitled to an easy life? and really, i know that all things are possible through Christ. i have spent this week with a new found gratefulness for all that i have been blessed with and all the grace and favor that God has poured out on me.
you would think that this revelation would be sufficient for my understanding of this subject, but the Lord decided to hammer it home even more by having a young man who was born with cerebral palsy share his testimony at church the very same weekend.
talk about overcoming the odds. he spent the first part of his life teaching himself to read at night in the bathroom because everyone assumed that he was mentally disabled as well as physically disabled. he went on to graduate in the top 5 of his class and become the first member of his family to graduate from college.
what does easy even mean?
i am erasing it from my vocabulary.
P.S. you can listen to Chris's testimony here.